Learning to Be Present When Life Is Happening Around Me

My meditation practice in the morning usually starts a little while after I wake up. I practice on the couch, and normally my son and his dad are doing their own morning routine. Paul is usually in the kitchen, and Asher is usually on the couch having breakfast or watching one of his shows. We have an open floor plan, so they're always around me doing their morning thing.

I actually choose to practice meditation in an environment where there can be distractions. Not that it's necessarily always loud in the morning, but this practice reminds me of a Zen teaching I learned when I went to a Zen center in New Haven, Connecticut.

The Zen master taught us to think of the mind almost like a screen. You're aware and conscious of everything happening around you, but instead of grasping onto everything, you allow it to filter through your mind, like noises outside coming through a window screen.

I've also been influenced by Eckhart Tolle's teachings about bringing presence into everyday life. It's one thing to practice in an environment that has been fine-tuned for spiritual practice without all of the distractions of everyday life. It's a completely different experience trying to practice presence while living in the real world, surrounded by distractions, difficult situations and sometimes difficult personalities.

That's where I want to practice.

So I sit on my couch, close my eyes and begin tapping into what's happening around me, in my body and in my mind.

This is where it gets interesting.

I'll hear something happening around me and immediately know Asher needs something. My first visceral reaction as a mom might be, Paul, do this for him while I'm meditating. Or I'll suddenly become aware of a problem and immediately start thinking of a solution.

This is one of those moments that pulls me away from presence. I move out of the witness state and into "doing." Instead of simply observing what's happening, my mind wants to intervene, solve or respond.

Interestingly enough, when I begin moving into a meditative state, I sometimes tap into the energy of my teachers. Sometimes it's a Zen master or another teacher, and it's like I'm in this mind space with them. Their role is usually to guide me back to center.

The Zen master I tap into quite a bit is always telling me something along the lines of, It's okay. Come back to yourself. Sit with yourself. You have nothing to do.

And I come back.

Some days it's easier than others. Sometimes I can stay present longer, and other times I'm bouncing back and forth between presence, what's happening around me, my thoughts and even the future.

Sometimes I start finding future solutions to problems while I'm meditating. This can be really annoying because I'm trying to get present and tap in, and suddenly my mind has decided we're going to solve everything.

So I continue coming back.

Which brings me to another part of my morning practice: tapping into the body for presence.

Moving through my body helps me become more present. For me, it's a multidimensional experience.

One level of my awareness is hearing and absorbing everything coherently happening around me. I don't necessarily tune those things out. That's not my objective. I'm aware of what's happening without following every sound or situation and trying to solve it.

Then I begin drawing my attention inward through my body. Almost like level-two presence, haha.

I start at the top of my head and slowly bring my awareness down through my body. I notice my face, jaw and neck. I move into my shoulders, chest and back, down through my arms and hands. I bring my awareness into my stomach and digestive system and then continue moving down through my hips, legs and feet.

I'm not necessarily trying to change anything. I'm feeling what's there.

Where am I holding tension? Where do I feel relaxed? Where can I feel energy moving? What sensations are present? What is my body communicating?

Sometimes my body becomes very specific about certain foods I've recently eaten and how difficult they are for me to digest. I'm also on my own wellness journey, so learning to listen to my body has become part of this practice.

I notice where energy is moving through my body and where it isn't. Maybe I notice tension in my shoulders and allow them to drop. I notice the nerves and energy flowing through my hands. I bring awareness to my digestive system.

I'm aware of what's happening inside my body while still consciously aware of what's happening in the environment around me.

And sometimes it becomes a back and forth.

One moment I'm completely in my body. Another moment I'm more aware of everything happening around me. And then there are those golden moments where somehow I'm holding awareness of both.

I'll have these glimmers of complete presence where I'm aware of my body, the outside world and my mind at the same time without needing to attach myself to any of it.

Then my mind intervenes again.

Maybe suddenly I have an entire diet plan. Or I've started emotionally going down some rabbit hole. Seriously, why did you eat that? Why aren't you exercising every day?

And there it is.

A self-shaming pattern at some level.

When I follow it, I can feel that intuitive channel and presence becoming smaller and smaller.

So I come back to my body.

I come back to presence.

I observe.

Sometimes I can actually watch my mind begin this process without reacting to it. Something I've noticed over time is that the less reactive I am to the mind, the shorter these stories and spirals become.

That's where the awareness begins to arise that I am not my thoughts.

There's a level of detachment that begins happening. The thoughts can be there without me having to follow them.

They're happening automatically. Becoming aware of that has been a really powerful experience for me.

Who Am I? I Don't Know.

This brings me back to another Zen practice I learned: Who am I? Don't know.

It's a meditation where you breathe in with Who am I? and breathe out with Don't know.

I don't practice that exact meditation much anymore, but I'm beginning to understand its value differently through my current practice.

The more aware I become, the more I begin stripping away who I'm not.

I'm aware of Paul and Asher moving around the house. Sometimes I become so aware that I get visual glimpses of what they're doing, almost like seeing it in a movie.

I'm aware of my body. I'm present enough within it that I feel like a channel opens and my body begins communicating its needs. I can notice where energy is flowing, where there's tension and what my body may be asking for, whether that's nutrition, rest or hydration.

Then there's another level of awareness where I'm observing my mind.

I see how my mind likes to stay busy. I see how it wants to solve problems, find solutions and sometimes even protect me by creating stories.

And I can look at that and think, Oh, that's interesting.

Those are the things I'm observing.

So who am I underneath all of that?

I don't know.

I think there are layers of presence. As our consciousness and awareness expand, so does our ability to hold all of this information at once without being attached to the information.

For me, this has become a really interesting and beautiful practice.

Beginning Your Own Practice

If you're new to meditation and want to experiment with this kind of practice, I think three to five minutes a day is realistic.

I personally like practicing in the morning because things are moving a little slower. I also know myself. If I don't get certain routines done first thing, they typically don't get done.

You could even practice while you're still in bed after waking.

Close your eyes, or soften your gaze like you might in a Zen-style meditation, where you're looking toward the floor without fixating on anything.

Then just listen.

What's happening around you?

Maybe it's cold. Maybe it's hot. Maybe you hear your neighbor upstairs, a dog outside or a truck driving by.

Become aware of what's happening in your environment.

Maybe you stay with just this part of the practice for a while. It could be weeks. Don't worry about moving forward quickly. Just start noticing how you feel.

Then begin noticing what arises within you.

Are you irritated?

I go through this sometimes. I'll think, Ah, why can't they just be quiet?

Then I remember that isn't actually what I want. I want to learn how to go inward within this environment. And honestly, my environment isn't even that hectic. It's just the normal morning routine with my son while his dad is making breakfast or coffee.

But irritation can still arise.

Instead of judging it, I can notice it.

Oh, that's interesting.

What emotions are coming up? What rabbit holes does your mind want to travel down? Are you suddenly trying to solve something? Are you trying to fix something?

Then tap into your body.

Scan from your head to your toes. How does your head feel? Your neck? Is there tension in your shoulders? How does your digestive system feel? Your chest? Your back?

Move through the body and allow yourself to become more and more present.

I have found that the body will speak to you. It's subtle.

Then you'll probably find the distractions again.

Notice your desire to follow them and continue bringing yourself back.

Eventually, you can begin watching the mind itself.

There really isn't an exact order that you have to follow. Do it however you'd like. This is simply how the practice tends to unfold for me in the morning.

As our awareness grows and we become more present, we begin witnessing the emotions, triggers, rabbit holes, problems, solutions and subconscious patterns that arise.

The practice isn't necessarily about finding solutions.

It's about allowing and observing.

The more I observe these things, the more light I shine on them, and the freer I become.

Because eventually this awareness begins showing up in everyday life.

Maybe you're dealing with someone and suddenly recognize a familiar pattern arising within you. Maybe it's happening in a relationship or during a conflict at work.

Because you've been sitting with yourself and becoming conscious of your patterns and the way your mind works, you may now have enough awareness to witness what's happening and pause.

You've created a little bit of space.

And it's not going to be perfect.

Maybe somebody cuts you off in traffic and you get really angry. Then afterward you think, Wow, I wish I didn't get so angry.

The practice isn't beating yourself up for getting angry.

It's becoming curious about what's underneath it.

Maybe it's a pattern around feeling wronged. Maybe it's That's not fair. That's not right. Why am I being treated this way? Maybe your defiant teenager is trying to come out.

Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you're beginning to become conscious of it.

And the more conscious you become, one of the byproducts of that awareness is choice.

You begin having the ability to choose which direction you go, which spiral you travel down, whether you react or pause, and what you attach yourself to.

These are words we hear in spiritual practices all the time: attachment, non-attachment, the middle path, duality.

But what do they actually look like in our lives?

Are you attached to the anger? Are you attached to the injustice of being cut off in traffic? What is that moment actually challenging within you?

Or can you witness it? Observe it and allow yourself to come back?

Please Be Gentle With Yourself

There's one more part of this practice that I think is really important.

As you begin observing yourself, you're probably going to become aware of a lot of things. And if you're anything like me, I've always been particularly harsh on myself.

Being gentle with yourself in this practice is of the utmost importance.

You are not a being who deserves to live in shame, self-doubt, guilt and pain. You need to take care of yourself. You deserve to be taken care of. You're worthy of being taken care of. You're worthy of self-love. You are so worthy of these beautiful experiences.

This practice isn't here to point out everything that's wrong with you.

Instead, it's helping you become aware of everything you're not.

So when you notice the patterns, the thoughts, the anger, the shame or the rabbit holes your mind goes down, please remember that. Be kind to yourself.

Know that there are beautiful forces out there that love you and are conspiring for your highest good.

Journaling can also be a beautiful tool if it helps you observe the patterns and experiences that begin arising through your practice.

I hope this gives you something to experiment with in your own meditation practice. Thank you for taking the time to sit here with me and read a little bit about mine.

Please be gentle with yourself.

I hope you have a beautiful day.

Until next time.

Coming Back to Center

Week of August 10, 2026

This morning, I found myself really angry.

I'm currently training for a new position, which means I'm essentially glued to my computer for nine hours a day learning an entirely new area of nursing. I'm moving from long term care into children's medical services, so there is a lot of new information, regulations, compliance, and complex medical cases to learn.

At the same time, I'm navigating training while my son is home with me two days a week as part of his homeschool program, while still managing meals and the everyday responsibilities of our home.

Lately, I've been asking for more help with the dishes. I do the meal prep and cooking, and I felt like asking for help with the dishes was a reasonable way to share some of that responsibility.

But there was resistance.

This morning, I was trying to get ready, thinking about everything I needed to do, looking at the dishes that still weren't done, and I got angry. I became consumed by my frustration and reacted from that place.

Eventually, I did the dishes myself, still angry and agitated. I gave him the cold shoulder and stayed in my frustration for a while. But as the intensity of the anger began to settle, I started looking at the situation differently.

I realized how much energy I was spending trying to change someone else.

My need for support was still valid. The boundary I was trying to create still mattered. But I had communicated what I needed, and at some point I had to recognize that I couldn't control what another person chose to do with that information.

I only have control over myself.

But there was another part of this that I needed to look at too.

Where Could I Have Shown Up Differently?

The truth is, I know Paul is tired too. He works all day, and I know that can be mentally draining. We both have a lot going on, and when two tired people are trying to manage a home, parenting, work, and everyday responsibilities, things can get messy.

And if I'm looking at this honestly, I could have communicated differently.

Instead of waiting until I was already frustrated, I could have gotten grounded and allowed myself to be more vulnerable.

I could have said, "I'm really overwhelmed right now. Training is taking a lot out of me, and I feel like I'm struggling to keep up with everything. Can we figure out a system together that feels manageable for both of us?"

That conversation feels very different from one that begins after resentment has already built.

I also know that I'm messy. I know this about myself. There are systems I could create that would make things easier for everyone in the house. That doesn't mean everything becomes my responsibility. It means I can look honestly at what I contribute to the dynamic while still communicating what I need from someone else.

Maybe this isn't about whose fault it is.

Maybe we need better systems.

Maybe we need more communication.

Maybe sometimes the house is simply going to be messy because we have a lot going on, and that doesn't mean anyone has failed.

One thing this morning reminded me of is how important my own grounding practice is.

I have a morning meditation practice, but sometimes I put it off until later in the morning. I'm realizing that I need that time before I step into everything else. Even a few intentional minutes to breathe, connect with my body, and become present can change the energy I bring into a difficult conversation.

Because when I'm grounded, I have more access to vulnerability.

Instead of, "Why haven't you done this?"

I can communicate what is actually underneath my anger:

"I'm overwhelmed."

"I need help."

"I don't feel like our current system is working."

"Can we figure this out together?"

There is softness in that, but softness doesn't mean abandoning a boundary.

When You Feel a Boundary Being Crossed

When you notice yourself becoming reactive because a boundary feels like it's being ignored, start by pausing.

Take a few slow breaths and notice what is happening in your body. Where are you holding the anger? Is your jaw tight? Is your chest heavy? Are your thoughts racing?

You don't have to shame the reaction or pretend you aren't angry. Just notice it.

Then remind yourself:

I have communicated what I need. I cannot control their response. I can control what I do next.

And ask yourself:

What is one small thing I can do right now to continue honoring my boundary?

Maybe you step away until you feel grounded enough to continue the conversation.

Maybe you stop taking responsibility for something that isn't yours.

Maybe you communicate your need again, but this time from a calmer and more vulnerable place.

Maybe you realize that the boundary needs a practical system behind it so everyone understands what they are responsible for.

Or maybe you simply accept that the situation will not be resolved in that moment.

We can communicate our boundaries, but we cannot control how another person responds to them.

What we can do is continue returning to ourselves.

Breathe. Ground. Communicate. Get curious about our own part in the situation, and then decide what is actually within our control.

I don't expect myself to handle every difficult moment perfectly. I don't expect the people around me to either. We are going to get tired. We are going to miscommunicate. The house might be messy sometimes. We might react before we regulate.

But we can come back.

We can have another conversation. We can create a better system. We can apologize when we need to. We can communicate more clearly. And we can practice meeting one another with a little more softness.

For me, that is becoming part of the boundary work too.

Not just learning how to say what I need, but learning how to communicate it while staying connected to myself and leaving room for the other person to be human too.

A Moment for Reflection

How can you relate to this in your own life?

Where might you need to come back to your center, get grounded, and allow whatever wants to arise to simply be there for a moment?

Can you witness the anger, frustration, hurt, or resistance without immediately acting from it?

And once there is a little more space, can you look at the situation with a clearer mind? Can you step into the other person's shoes and consider what they may be carrying too?

This doesn't mean abandoning yourself or allowing your boundaries to be crossed. It means creating room for compassion and empathy, not only for yourself, but for the other person too.

Ask yourself:

What is one small thing I can do to be more vulnerable, honor my boundary, and communicate what I truly need?

Maybe it's taking a breath before responding. Maybe it's sharing what is underneath your anger. Maybe it's asking the other person what they need too. Or maybe it's sitting down together and creating a new way forward that honors both of you.

Allow yourself to get curious about what arises.

Come back to your center. Witness it. Listen inward. Then choose how you want to move forward.

Journal Entries

Layers of Presence — Week of August 17, 2026

Coming Back to Center — Week of August 10, 2026